I'm As Sullen As Edward Cullen

Sorry that I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been dealing with a severe lack of sleep. Seriously, you should see the amount of concealer that I need to wear under my eyes to make myself halfway presentable. It’s disgusting. I feel like Joan Rivers on a bad surgery day.Ugh. It’s been getting bad lately. I barely go out during the daylight, and if I do, I’m incognito thanks to my sunglasses.But you know what I’ve noticed? I feel like I’ve become a vampire. I’ve been brooding more than Robert Pattinson in every scene of Twilight, I’m as white as a ghost, and I hiss at the sun as it creeps into my bedroom each morning. (But, no, I don’t sparkle like a thousand diamonds shimmering in the glistening sun. Damn you Stephanie Meyer, damn you!) Despite my early protests of not doing it, I’ve stopped responding to friends requesting me to go out and get together. What’s more is that it took every ounce of my determination to get ready for my recent appearance on The Rhode Show.


Because my family no longer sleeps. Nope. Sleep, to us, is like a mythical creature. It’s like the Lochness Monster or Bigfoot. There seems to be record of it’s existence, but it’s validity is shoddy at best, and no one’s seen it since. “Did I just see what I thought I saw?…….nahhhh. couldn’t be.” God, is it tiring. Honestly though, It’s as if our cute little apartment has turned into an all day/all night rave. But, this party has only one guy. You know that guy – that guy who’s just way to into it. He’s waving the glowsticks and breaking down moves that would put even Usher to shame. Yup, that guy. And that guy is none other than my Itty Bitty.

See, he didn’t quite get the memo that glowsticks and all-nighters were really only suitable for Jersey Shore juice-monkeys and newborn babies. Most chaps his age (5 months) are welcoming the sandman with open arms.

But my kid? Ha. He just laughs and gives the sandman the double bird.

My colicky, yet, oh so loving and sweet babe thinks sleep is for the weak. Our typical night looks like this:

6:30 – Bathtime

7:00 – Last feeding

7:30 – Hubby bounces him to sleep on a yoga ball

8:30 – Itty bitty wakes up with the birds on full display (Yes, that’s right, until 8:30)

8:30 – 10pm – It’s party time in Club Larsen (until he’s all partied out and decides it’s cool to finally sleep with the big kids…aka his parents.)

2:30am. Every clubby needs the late night snack at the sausage stand, right? So, he’s back up again to feed. (This, I can handle.)The rest of the night, however, becomes a blur:

3:30am – wakeup, fuss, wants to hang out for about an hour or so, whimpers and cries until he is held by me

5:30 am – wakeup, doesn’t want anything to do with me, and insists on being held by Tall Dad

6:30 am – wakeup, unless its cloudy outside, fusses and fusses and fusses until he is held

7:30 am – wakeup, gets his diaper changed, and sometimes wants to eat and go back to sleep

8:30 am – wakeup, this time it’s for real, and his milk wench (aka me) gets him ready for his day

Looks like fun, right?

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You said it Kimberly “Sweet Brown” Wilkins!

So Tall Dad & I are going to be trying a couple of new tactics. Wish us luck. You’ll know that they are working if you see me outdoors before 6pm, not wearing sunglasses.

Did your baby have difficulty sleeping? What tricks and tips helped you? (Seriously…we need help)


  1. OMG! I does look terrible for you mom. My kids are bigger so I completely forgot how it was. I was breastfeeding though – so in the night time- I took them to my own bed, feed them ( they were eating whetewer they wanted) I was partially sleeping 🙂 It was not that bad.
    I wish I have some advice for you…
    Good luck!

  2. Praying that a new routine works. The land of daylight needs you! May the Force be with you in the quest for sleep. Kathelene Foley

  3. Oh love… Somehow you always sparkle even without sleep. I hope sleep comes to you. We had our first sleepless night at 16 months (besides the night nursing, of course)… I don't know how you do it.
    Maybe cosleeping could help? Emphases on the sleeping!

  4. Oh, Mary, that looks like what was our schedule just a month ago! I remember being crabby, a lot! Our almost eight month old still wakes up once or twice a night. Some nights he doesn't, but last night and the night before he did. Twice. I've noticed a big change, since I've been slipping a bit of cereal in his bottle. Not sure if your itty baby takes the bottle yet. I know you're nursing, but maybe if you expressed it and tried a bottle that could help fill his belly. If not, nighttime diapers have helped us too. The wet diaper doesn't wake him, and we don't have to change him as often. That's all I know so far that has worked for us. I can tell you, you're doing everything right, and that hopefully, this phase shall too pass. Good luck friend!

  5. If he is taking a bottle he needs to have some cereal in his bottle! Not only will this fill him up more but it will cut back on the acid reflux..aka..colic. It works!! My daughter had the same problem and once we put some cereal in her fomula (the ped. gave me the corret dose and the ok) she slept for 6 hours! Try it…call your ped. and ask how much to give.

  6. OH HOW I FEEL FOR YOU! You poor thing. You are doing everything right. I promise. Loved this post. The honesty is just too much. If it makes you feel any better, this happened to me off and on throughout my son's FIRST YEAR! And he was not even colicky! My colleagues would look at me and say, "How are you even dressed?" Hmmmm. Let's see, I was 30 and used A LOT OF CONCEALER. THANK GOD FOR CONCEALER, right? Ain't got no time for that! I have a lot of advice. #1 for colicky babies. KARO SYRUP in the bottle. I did that for my cousin when I was his nanny. Doctor recommended in the 1990's, so it may not fly anymore. But it worked! And our other trick? Give him water in the bottle when he gets up. And slowly try the three nights in a row of letting him cry it out. This is a link to an old article I wrote about that. https://onlineri.com/articles/ask_mom/let-your-baby-cry-it-out GOOD LUCK! You are an awesome mommy! Get some rest!!

  7. I do in home childcare and I had one wee baby that was colicky baby and the Doctor did put him on cereal in his bottle and waa-laa that was such a lifesaver for me and his mommy. He held his formula down and also allowed him to sleep much better without a bellyache. I had him 3rd shift and believe you me, it was exhausting for me. I wish you good luck with your little one.

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