Why You Shouldn't Ask Someone If They Are Pregnant

“Are you preggers?”
First, please, for the love of all things good in this world (including chocolate peanut butter ice cream) do not ever say the word “preggers.” It makes one come off like they’ve intently watched every episode of MTV’s Teen Mom.
Secondly, unless a woman has told you she is pregnant, or is very clear about her carrying a child on board, like in the picture below, assume she isn’t pregnant.
Here is an example of me confidently telling the world “yes, I’m pregnant!”

When we were ready, comfortable, and confident, my hubby and I decided to announce to our friends, family, and the world that we were having a baby. The key words being when we were ready.

Close friends knew that we would want a family at some point. Even closer friends knew that I had feminine issues that would make having a child extremely difficult. Maybe even impossible.

Last year, a friend asked me “Are you preggers?” It was asked with no sense of warmth, love, or concern. Actually, it was as kind as someone asking me if I stepped in dog poop. I ignored the question, and went on with my day. But later that night, the question still haunted me.

I wasn’t pregnant, and I was actually looking into adoption. I cried every night that week, and wondered if anyone else ever felt this low when asked if they were pregnant. The other question that hurt, even though I knew people didn’t mean for it to, was “When are you going to have a kid?” or “Why aren’t you pregnant yet?”

The truth is, a woman being pregnant is no one’s business but hers and her partner’s.

  • She could have infertility issues
  • She may have miscarried
  • She may be pregnant, but doesn’t know, or isn’t comfortable sharing just yet
  • She may not be pregnant at all, and now you just made her feel fat, or brought up a sensitive subject.

If a woman wants to share news about her pregnancy, her journey to getting pregnant, or her struggles with her pregnancy, she will share it with you. So be considerate when talking to her, because you really don’t know if she is, or isn’t, carrying a tiny baby. If she brings up the topic of her own accord, then she is comfortable with you. But remember to still be kind. My friend who asked me knew of my feminine struggles, my dreams, and my hopes for a family of my own. Her being inconsiderate and cold was salt in a deep, deep wound.

If you are close with a friend, and she has told you that she has been hoping to get pregnant, wait for her to tell you. If she has been trying for quite some time, and hasn’t brought the topic up recently with you, then it’s for a reason. She either is (and its too early) or she isn’t, and it’s breaking her heart. You can let her know you care by asking a vague question like “How are you doing?” or “How have you been feeling?” If she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing personal information at this point, then take that as your cue to back down.

And if your friend does come to you and tells you she has a tiny baby on board, please…do not refer to her as being preggers. Instead, give her the greatest hug, and take her out for a much needed chocolate peanut butter ice cream sundae. That tiny baby needs extra calcium anyway!

Have you ever been asked sensitive questions in an insensitive manner?



  1. I have a different experience, in that when we first got married, we didn't want to have children. And the endless "what do you mean you don't want children" questions, the looks on people's faces that clearly meant we were just stupid or crazy, were awful. The judgment that came with it was terrible. I'm so sorry you have had to suffer such insensitive questions.

    1. Aw man, that is so difficult as well. I have friends who have been asked repeatedly, and don't want children either. I wish everyone took a bit longer thinking before they asked such hot questions or made judging remarks.

    2. I can second all of that. My husband and I don't intend to have children and people can be extremely judgmental. For some reason, people who do have kids seem to see it as a slight against them, when it's just a very personal choice about what's best for us. I have all the respect in the world for people who are truly parents to their children; I like kids, I work with kids, I have nothing against kids or good parents. I just wish that people would have respect for making the best choice for oneself, no matter what it may be.
      (ps–Hi Mary, and congratulations 🙂 )

  2. Very true! One Sunday at church years before trying for our first baby I made eye contact with a woman across the sanctuary. She gasped, got a big smile, and made a beeline for me. I knew what she was going to ask before she ever got to me. Needless to say, I didn't want to wear THAT dress ever again! That's one question you never ever ask. Ever.

  3. I had to have fertility treatments for my first one and the hounding from people was awful. Then I got pregnant right away with #2 and the #3 w/o help (not even intending to). Three babies in three years does a number on your stomach muscles. My third gave me a heart condition and I can't have any more kids (we thought about 1 more). When I gain weight it's in my stomach and so many people have touched my stomach and asked if I'm having another baby it's unbelievable. I can't believe the gall some people have.

  4. Dear Anonymous – This post has nothing to do with lies, so I'd appreciate it of you stopped trolling my blog. Especially since you quoted Adolf Hitler.

  5. takes evil to recognize evil. maybe if you take this post down since it is full of shit we will possibly consider stop calling you out as a liar.

  6. you know exactly what we are talking about. when you remove this blog post, the comments will stop as well. it is really not that hard. tall mom. it is time to grow up.

  7. Dear Anon "we",
    You have been misinformed, and it is sad that you are spending time harassing me here on this blog. Once again, stop. Stop calling me names and posting ill comments.

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